I’ve been feeling really anxious this week and it’s been particularly frustrating because my anxiety has been caused primarily by my own overactive mind. When I’m feeling anxious, often the last thing I want to do is come to God. During these times, I feel like writing less (so this is taking a lot of effort) and ignoring the problem, because it’s much easier than getting to the nitty gritty reasons for feeling the way I do.

It’s hard for me to be honest with God when I’m unsure or anxious. Instead of being rooted in God and placing my identity in him, I revert to relying on myself and protecting my heart. I find it difficult to grasp the truth about myself and my worth and dwell into unproductive thoughts.

In this new season, I am learning to lean on friends and share what I’m going through. With my convoluted thoughts and inarticulate words, I reached out to two of my really good friends, Nikky and Christina. Both of them listened without judgement, imparted practical advice and encouraged me to take some time to spend with God.

Nikky and Christina reminded me that there is something about intentionally coming into the presence of God with complete surrender and honesty that helps us grasp the truth about who we are and our worth more clearly and receive peace that we couldn’t access otherwise.

“I’m still learning to be still.”

Tori Kelly, This Girl

Even though I still feel anxious, I will write and pray my fragile words and surrender my deepest fears and insecurities to God. I will bring to light what has too long been hidden in the darkness. I will choose to believe that faith is real and that God is the same in still and stormy waters. I will refuse to believe that my problems are too great for Him and shrink back. I will trust and lean on Him to give me greater peace, hope, and clarity.

I will declare His faithfulness to you, dear readers, and in quiet whispers in the presence of God.