“I wish I could give you one solution for pain that definitely works. I can’t. It is a process and it is different for everyone, but what I can tell you is that if you are badass enough to feel your pain, then you are badass enough to heal your pain.” Heart Talk, Cleo Wade

It’s hard to write this blog post this month because it has been a season of growth and I don’t know where to start. It’s the feeling when you haven’t seen a good friend in a while and have so much to catch up on.

In the season I’m currently in, I’m learning to understand the sensitive areas of my heart and how they got there in the first place. Even more importantly, I’m figuring out how to acknowledge the impact of painful experiences in my past and build new habits and patterns that align more closely with my present.

If you are going through a similar season of growth, I feel your pain. Literally. The process of healing is painful, but I believe so worth it. As I learn more about the inner workings of my heart and identify areas to develop, I have worked towards making two radical changes.

The first thing that I have been working on is letting go of outdated defense mechanisms. In the past, I had to build walls and bend over backwards to avoid painful feelings because they were essential ways to protect and preserve myself. But these coping strategies do not serve me any longer. I don’t want my perspective on my present and future to be dictated by the past. It’s time to develop new tools and strategies to process my current circumstances without limiting thoughts and fear. When we notice ourselves building walls instead of boundaries or reacting instead of thoughtfully responding, it is often an indicator to look at areas of our hearts more closely.

The second habit I have been building is not making assumptions about other people’s actions and intentions based on what has happened in the past. It’s so hard not to believe that everything you notice around you is confirming your deepest fears. We must aim to have healthy thought patterns and consciously decide not to be hoodwinked by “confirmation bias,” a well-known psychological tendency to look for evidence that confirm our beliefs. I dare us to have the courage to change faulty belief systems and integrate more trust and optimism into our outlook and expectations. We should not be so afraid of being disappointed by others that we automatically assume we will be disappointed by them. I choose to believe that people can look out for you, support you, and want the best for you. That also means I am choosing to give the benefit of the doubt to people, at the risk of looking foolish. I’d rather have hope, than live determined to be disappointed.

God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20-21 (MSG)

Whatever you are learning on your own journey of healing, be kind to yourself and make room for progress- but also process. I am so excited for you! What freedom awaits. How wondrous to discover as we let go, we already have everything we need.